Yes, I am a fickle friend.
I realize that you've all given up on me/us because you all gave me grief for not ever posting anything new and I tried to be better but only got one post in. So, now I really do have to get down to business and start blogging again. The really etertaining thing is that it seems like half of my blog posts are about writing more blog posts! :0)
To be totally honest with you guys I haven't been very motivated to write any posts because I feel like I have to dig deep to find anything worth writing about. This is a confession because I'm admitting how discouraging I feel our life is lately. If I had a more positive outlook on our lives right now I would probably be sharing every detail of my daughter's life like most great mom's do. But considering that I haven't felt like I could put myself in that category then it really doesn't matter. And therein lies my problem...I am a good mom/decent mom and I realize that so don't feel like I'm really depressed but there have been a lot of things in my life lately that have been wearing on me and making me feel less and less like I have anything blog-worthy. Now that that's out you're probably all gonna worry about me. But don't, at least not a lot--everyone likes to be worried about a little!
So I guess the best I can do at this point is vent...
Let me start off by saying that I have no idea how you full-time working mom's last for as long as you do. Kudos to all of you because I'm definitely not your caliber!! I find that I'm becoming more and more impressed with women like that who seem to have it all together all the time--working, wife-ing, mom-ing...crazy impressive! I feel like I can only be so good one role at a time. Maybe I feel like a phenomenal employee one day (or maybe it could last a whole week), but then I get home and everything else has fallen through the cracks and my baby's eating three day old raisins off the floor that the broom never swept (cause it does sweep all by itself or why else would we always be leaving stuff on the floor, eh?). Or maybe I cleaned the whole entire house, fed the baby incredible food and got her to bed on time. The next day I get to work and have nothing left to give! I've heard that balance is the key and the concept seems clear enough but application is a lot trickier than it sounds. Sometimes I think that in order to balance my life out I'm gonna have to look like one of those crazy guys from cirque du soleil who balance their entire weight on a toothpick. Besides I've never had that great of coordination :0)
I feel that my lack of fervor for life is wearing on those around me and turning me into a person I don't wanna be. Who wants to be around someone like Eeyore the donkey who is always grey and has a lack-lustre outlook on life? Really, at heart I AM a happy-go-lucky type of person but anyone who only met me recently would probably have a hard time beleiving that. I find myself wondering "What happened to that old me?" The one in that photo from a couple years ago looking like I had the world on a string around my finger instead of the one taken recently where I look like I'm carrying the world on my back. Seriously guys, how do I go about emptying the weights that I feel like I'm having to bear lately??
Truly it's a little hard for me to vent like this because I don't want to weigh anyone else down or have you end up beleiving that I AM a depressed person who only ever complains (I feel like that's what I'm doing a lot lately). But I suppose everyone feels like this every once in a while and I'm hoping you can help me turn that frown upside down and feel blog-worthy again :0)
The end...finally right?
*Rachel*
